A Compassionate Vow

Finally, a moment to breathe some life back into this blog. I know it has been quite some time since I’ve posted, but in entering the flow of life, it’s important to realize that it’s impossible to get all things done at once.

Over the past few weeks, I have found myself in an on-going exploration about practice and what it means to hold a relationship with a practice. For me, one practice that I have been working with is remaining conscious about how I react in any given situation and maintaining my freedom of choice in how I express my response. Like any relationship, engaging in a practice requires a level of commitment. Yet, a commitment of this nature needs to remain both flexible and alive.

For a long time, I had taken the idea of commitment to imply a rigidity that left little room for compassion. I would use this commitment as a standard upon which to live my life, and in the moments where I fell short, this rigidity would loom over me as a threatening guillotine searching for the perfect moment to severe my imperfection.

I was missing the point. And what I was finding was that because of this outlook, there was no room to grow, and allow my mistakes to teach the lessons that were there to be learned. Holding a relationship to practice with compassion, on the other hand, opens doors that one might never know existed. This is certainly been true in my case.

Now I’m not saying that I do it perfectly every time or even three-fourths of the time, but I am beginning to realize that the more I look into these moments where I am somewhat less than impeccable, I find that there is a wealth of information to play with. And as I am willing to learn from this, I find that that this learning in and of itself carries the practice forward.

In the Buddhist tradition, there is an emphasis placed on vows. These vows are different than the ones we give to someone in marriage. These vows are private, ones that we hold for ourselves out of a desire to share our wholeness. Several weeks ago, I noticed that I had been repeatedly giving into a particular emotional pattern that was having big impact on those around me, particularly my wife. And I was able to recognize and take ownership of my personal responsibility within that pattern.

After seeing this, I made a conscious decision not to act on a deeply ingrained reaction that I had been giving into. In essence, I took a vow of sorts, and while there are times that I continue to give into that behavior, I am first and foremost much more aware of when it happens and secondly this awareness has lessened the number of times that I give my power over to this pattern.

With this recognition, I invite you to join me in self-exploration and to find which vows, if any need to be honored more fully in your life. Alternately, if you are aware of an area that needs your deeper attention, perhaps explore what level of commitment that area is asking for.

What is Power?

A seemingly simple question but oh, how deep we all can reach just to begin to glimpse an answer that whispers even a hint of truth to us. Yet it is one that continually arises, in one form or another, in the conversations that we hold internally and with others as we bear witness to our own life as it unfolds moment by moment. Nearly every discussion I’ve had in the past week (…or month…or five years) pivots, in some way, around this fundamental question.

At its most basic level, power is simply having the ability to act, but is there more to it than that? Each of us will inevitably explore this at some level during our time on earth, yet it seems to me that there is often a great deal of cultural fear around understanding what power is, how to use it, and why it’s an important aspect of who we are as human beings. In giving into this, however, we deprive ourselves of many insights that could lead to greater engagement, joy and freedom for ourselves and others.

We often face obstacles in our lives that, at the outset, bring a sense of powerlessness. However, if we can remain present with the situation and become curious about all facets of what is going on, we can often discover a choice lying at the foundation of our own relationship to whatever is going on externally. This recognition of choice carries with it the potential to open the door to a more empowered perspective. One from which an action can be taken either outwardly in the situation itself or inwardly with regards to our own approach in the situation.

As I’ve been working more closely with people within the disability field, it is very evident that, like many of us, direct support professionals, along with the people whose lives they work to enhance, often struggle with a profound feeling of powerlessness. The demands of their jobs, combined with insufficient pay, little professional recognition, and few growth opportunities compound the sense of immobility and helplessness. Yet, even among such seemingly disempowering conditions, there is still an opportunity for choice no matter how large or small. 

And oh what an opportunity it is! For herein lies the beautiful potential to bring forth lasting change. Once we become aware of the choices that are before us, we engage our innate capacity to move into action from a space of openness and freedom.

Having a resource such as a coach can be a powerful tool in helping us identify the choices that are open to us and supporting us as we step into a decision that honors who we are as unique individuals.

It’s Time to Support the Support

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been exploring ways in which coaching has the potential to alleviate many issues faces by professionals within the field of direct support.

If you are involved, at any level, in the disability community, the aging community, or any profession that works to support those in either population, you may well be aware that there are some significant challenges faced by the people on the front lines. Unfortunately, these issues, which are being compounded further by the atmosphere of fear in the greater economy, are leading to irrational decisions by policymakers as discussed in the recent Wall Street Journal article, “Disabled Face Hard Choices as States Slash Medicaid.”

The 2007 report Direct Support Professional Work Group Report by Amy Hewitt, Ph.D., of the University of Minnesota indicates that the turnover rate for DSPs is, on average, as high as 50%, much of which is caused by low wages, lack of benefits, high stress and high burn-out rates. Moreover, the demand for services by individuals with developmental disabilities is projected to increase by 37 percent by 2020. 

Clearly, the disability community and direct support professionals are getting hit hard by recent budget cuts, but it seems to me that there is a missing element in how we, as compassionate human beings can empower both DSPs and those they support to step into the fullness of their humanity and discover their innate resourcefulness and creativity.

While the fields of direct support and professional coaching have had little to no interaction with each other, the benefits of coaching are clear. Research has shown that coaching has had dramatic impacts on employee performance, leadership skills, ability to manage stress, increases the ability to manage personal finances, and enhances needed self-care. Such benefits, it has been estimated, lead to a 500-600% return on investment according to studies by Right Management Consultants and Metrix Global.

In my practice as a coach, martial artist, mentor, and teacher, I’ve found that when the opportunity arises for people to engage in transformative experiences, something deep within them is aroused and as they find the courage to explore this aspect of themselves, a richer and more profound relationship with all facets of life begins to bloom. For Direct Support Professionals and those with whom they work this translates simply as increased confidence, more fulfillment, higher resourcefulness, and greater independence.

To find out more about how Blooming Lotus coaching can enhance your organization, business or personal life, drop me an email.

Say What?

Recently, I’ve become increasingly fascinated by how we listen to one another as individuals and as a culture. It seems that as humans we naturally crave the recognition of our whole being yet, so often in our current world, much of our listening falls short of penetrating the depths of who we really are; those deep and brilliant aspects of ourselves that long to be heard.

The ability to reach these places in ourselves and in other calls us to bring forth the compassionate presence of an innate fullness of being. In doing so, we not only find the courage to reveal ourselves fully in meeting the world in which we operate, but we also open the door to deeper and more profound listening. Such a choice to honor the innate fullness in you is certainly one made from continual love and resounding joy. Yet, perhaps more importantly, it is from here that an opportunity arises for those around us to recognize their own reflection in that fullness and thus acknowledge it within themselves.

Holding Fast

In my last blog, I offered a challenge to anyone interested, to step outside of their comfort in the spirit of self-exploration. Having made the challenge, I felt it only fair that I participate in the exploration myself. Often, when we’re brave enough to commit to stepping out of our engrained patterns to experience the world from a fresh perspective, our environment greets us with situations that naturally highlight, probe, and even test our dedication to this newly chosen view. I don’t know about you, but this has certainly held true for me over the past two weeks.

So what do we do in the midst of these situations? It is usually during these situations that our attachments to our old perspective tend to tug at our souls in an attempt to derail us from engaging in lasting change. Yet, there is much that we can learn in these instances if we are open to it. Here, a little awareness and trust in our new path can go along way!

When we are able to recognize that in these moments of finding ourselves face to face with an old pattern, a space opens up that within which we are naturally presented with a great and beautiful choice that’s up to you to explore!

Who Are You Really?

It’s interesting to me to see the number of boxes we typically confine ourselves to at any given moment. In many of our interactions we define who we are by what we look like, how we behave, what we can or can’t do, and so on. To some extent, we can’t help this, it’s an aspect of the human ego and without it we could live (at least physically). But it seems that often times, these definitions do more to draw division between people rather than build and support connection between people. So what are we suppose to do?

This past weekend I was involved with a conference entitled “In Such a Time As This: Responding Wisely in Difficult Times” put on by the Community Resource Alliance. Much of the conference focused on supporting people with disabilities to live fuller lives as well as building advocacy skills. While there, I had the pleasure of both a presenting and exhibiting as a coach and I noticed that, when I addressed people from a perspective beyond their self-imposed limitations, they seemed to go through a moment of confusion before they discovered a more expansive point from which to orient in the conversation.

It seems that these moments of disorientation are extremely important to our growth as humans. It is within these moments that we are offered a choice. Simply put, we can either hold on to our ingrained patterns of behavior or, we can step into the new perspective being shown to us and, in doing so gain a deeper understanding of who we are as human beings. So, I challenge you to embrace situations like this asking, who are you really?

Finding a hint of freedom

The other day I was asked by a group of young disability advocates how I dealt with people that don’t have enough patience to take the time to understand me.  My initial response was that I attempt to approach these situations with patience and openness in order to set an example for whoever the person is that I’m speaking with.  While this angle tends to work well for me, I realize that this is only one of an infinite number of possibilities.  The question that comes to mind most prominently when I contemplate this is, “what response would best honor the humanity of both people in this situation?”  

As people we all have the potential to step into a space of greater alignment and connection; but we also have the ability to withdraw from this same space and become trapped in our own conditioning.  If we are able to let go of our fears and engrained patterns of behavior we will find a place of expansiveness that in turn creates a profound sense of dignity for you and everyone that you come in contact with.  Finding this space is infinitely simple yet we continually forget how to contact it (trust me, I forget all the time!).  The initial contact can be made in feeling an exhale, a deep laugh, or even feeling the space around you.  When this happens, how does your being shift?  Do you feel more alive or present?  Do people respond to you differently?  

Keep making contact with this feeling and see what develops.

Welcome

Welcome to the Blooming Lotus Coaching blog! I’m Barton Cutter, personal life coach and owner of Blooming Lotus Coaching. Blooming Lotus Coaching exists to enable people to connect with, listen to, and act upon their innate wisdom in order to bring about a life of greater connection and fulfillment for themselves that is in line with their unique expression as a whole human being. We are dedicated to working with families touched by disability to enhance the independence of each member while encouraging alignment within the family as a whole.

We recognize the unique dynamics involved in balancing the demands of family life with meeting the needs of a young person with a disability. Because this can, at times be challenging, I would like to use this blog to address topic that are common among families impacted by disabilities and offer some insights for navigating these subjects. Some possible posts may include:

Balancing the needs of your family with navigating supports for your child

Opening the door to independence

The importance of dreaming

Passion and parenting

Parenting and being an “aid” for your child

Moving beyond the fear of independence

Extinguishing the guilt factor

I’d also love to hear from you. What do you want to explore so your family is more fulfilled? I look forward to hearing from you! Visit me at http://www.cuttersword.com/blooming-lotus-coaching.html.

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